How Do We Encourage Other Women Well?
We are continuing our series in biblical womanhood! If you haven’t had the chance to read the last two articles in this series, I encourage you to go back and read those, as this article builds upon some of the principles we’ve already talked about. Last week, we talked about the difference between Christians in friendship and Christian friendship, and why relationships with other women are so hard. But how do we do Christian friendship well? How do we go deeper with one another? How do sisters in Christ encourage one another?
This is not as easy as it seems. And that’s coming from someone who thought she encouraged well! Until college, I thought that showing up for your friends and telling them how godly they are – and telling them often – makes you a great encourager. Let me tell you, that is not all there is to it. There is a way to move beyond general affirmation that enriches the lives of the women around you.
What does this look like? First, we have to see what the Bible says about encouraging other believers before we can learn how to specifically encourage women. Let’s look at the Book of Hebrews, which is a letter written to encourage believers and warn them against abandoning their faith. Hebrews 3:13 says, “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” And Hebrews 10:24 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.”
As believers, we are called to exhort – to encourage – one another every day for two purposes: one, that we do not be hardened by sin and second, that we stir one another up to love and good works. When we encourage one another, we are reminded of the identity we have in Christ. We are encouraged to become who He is making us to be, and suddenly sin starts to feel less enticing. We should be constantly cheering one another on to learn more about Jesus, to live more like Jesus, and to love more like Jesus.
But, what effect does exhortation have on the giver? Hebrews 10:24 says we must “consider” how to stir one another up to love and good works, and Hebrews 3:13 says we must do so every day. Wouldn’t this become exhausting? How does this benefit us?
Encouragement done well should give life to both the receiver and giver. That’s what love does! It is an overflowing of the love of Christ, who gives us life abundantly (John 10:10). But we cannot do this without Christ. The person who desires to gift genuine, considerate encouragement must ask God to give them eyes to see people as He sees them. They must ask God to give them His heart for others so that they can love them as Christ loves them.
The ability to encourage well isn’t achieved over night. Rather, it is a long process during which we learn to love people better because we see Christ radiating in them and loving them well, even if they can’t see it.
Children of God encourage one another’s character, not through biblical adjectives but by phrases and principles firmly rooted in the Bible. We help each other see ourselves through the gospel-centric, gracious love of Christ. We encourage by stating how we see Christ in one another.
I don’t think there’s a holier way to encourage than that.
To give you a firmer example, what does Paul say in his letter to the believers in Philippi? He wrote in Philippians 1:3-7,
“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace.”
Paul’s gratitude for these believers and his encouragement to them stems from a deeply rooted love in Christ. Because of Jesus, Paul is able to overflow with affection towards the Philippians. Not only does he see Christ working in them, but he dreams about what Christ will accomplish in and for them. And he tells them about it! What would it look like if we dreamed for each other’s faith to abound, and then told each other about it? How much would that encourage us away from sin and towards that which marks a child of God?
So, now that we have the foundation for biblical exhortation, what does it look like to encourage women? Remember how our strength as women is visibly displayed: as ezer kenegdo, we are strong in heart. While we are physically weaker than men, we are still equals who reflect our Creator in complementary ways – don’t forget that we are co-rulers with Adam, created with intentionality for a specific purpose. As women, we better reflect the strength of our Father in how we extend grace, how we act in gentleness, and how we care for others. I’m not sure that we often think about that through the lens of our womanhood. Yes, we are strong in Christ as believers, but how often do we remember that we are strong because we are daughters of the King? I don’t think many women hear this very often. And I think this is where we can step in and encourage one another best.
We have the ability to encourage other women in a way that the men in our lives never can. We know our unique weaknesses. We know our unique strengths. We know when one of us needs encouragement and we are intuitive in how to meet our friend’s needs. As women grounded in Scripture, we also know the truths that our friend needs to hear – truths about them and ultimately truths about their good God and wonderful Savior. When we point them back to the Bible, we can champion them and refresh them, saying, “I know this is happening, and I’m with you in this. Let me tell you how I see Christ in you right now! Let me remind you what He promises to do for you!”
We have been given the opportunity to speak life into the women around us. We need one another! We need women to lean on when we need encouragement, and we need to learn how to be there for other women when they need encouragement.
We must encourage specifically, and this can only happen once we draw near to others intentionally. We must – we must – day by day “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). This is difficult at first, but even as it gets easier, we will never grow out of learning how to do it well. This is not just a discipline but a privilege we must excitedly dive deeper into as we fall more in love with God and learn to abide in the abundant love God has for all of us. And what a beautiful thing it is, as sisters part of a large family of believers, to learn how to encourage one another and run together as we journey on towards Home.